#jacqueline bouvier | simpsonssummaries (2024)

Hey, look: December-December romance.

Blackboard gag: "I will not retransmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball."

Couch gag: The family rushes in and shatters like glass when they collide. Santa's Little Helper then enters and looks at the mess.

The episode begins with Homer and the kids watching an episode of Krusty the Clown. Krusty forces Sideshow Mel to conduct an orchestra of monkeys playing kazoos.

It goes well for a few seconds, but Sideshow Mel whacks one of the monkeys, and it attacks him. The other monkeys follow suit as well.

Homer asks Maggie if she can point to the monkey. She points at him and he says...

Lisa then asks Maggie if she can point to the credenza. She does.

Marge calls Homer into the kitchen and she says he didn't do a good job frosting Maggie's cake.

"What, it's not Magaggie's birthday?" asks Homer, then he notices his mistake. He eats the extra "A" and "G," then he is about to get carried away when Marge stops him. She made him a very special cake to ruin, and he goes to eat it.

Soon, the guests for Maggie's birthday party come. Although Grampa is a little confused...

Maggie gets her new dressed tried on, and everyone finds her cute.

Bart asks where the other babies are, and Lisa admits that Maggie doesn't get along with the other babies.

When it's time for cake, Maggie gets nervous with her surroundings. When she shakes, Abe suggests they put Lister's Carbolic Unguent on a wad of cotton and put it in her ear. Jacqueline disagrees, she needs Balsam Specific. Bart then says in an old person voice, "Don't forget to give her Smeckler's Powder." Abe and Jacqueline scold Bart for that.

Later, Jacqueline remembers Lisa's third birthday. She and Bart did an adorable little song and dance routine. When asked to do it, Bart and Lisa sing the Armor Hot Dogs jingle. Lisa then asks if the family knows any songs that aren't commercials, and the rest of the family dances and sings to "I Feel Like Chicken Tonight." Well Lisa, come to Canada someday and I'll show you that everyone quotes Heritage Minutes shorts.

When the party is over, Abe and Jacqueline are in a hurry to return home and watch Matlock. That night, Marge suggests that she, Homer, Abe, and Jacqueline go do something together. Homer says that's stupid, "Old people don't need companionship." He's getting the quote from a Ross Perot pamphlet.

Later, Homer, Marge, and Abe stop in front of an apartment. Marge says...

Abe says...

He comes back with a woman, but...

“I’ll be back in a jiffy!”

The woman then asks...

The quartet goes out to dinner at...

Marge says Abe and Jacqueline have a lot in common such as... they both got swindled by a recent telemarketing scam. Abe says it wasn't a swindle. "What you do is, see, you give them all your credit card numbers, and if one of them is lucky, they'll send you a prize." Jacqueline was just glad to talk to someone. Abe then shows off for her by doing this:

A lawyer then tells Abe to stop because he was plagiarizing Charlie Chaplin.

Later, Jacqueline shows Abe some of her old photos. One was when she was arrested for indecent exposure.

Abe then says Jacqueline reminds him "of a poem he can't remember, a song that may never have existed, and a place he's not sure he's ever been to." When Jacqueline says he's sweet, Abe says he feels all funny. He's in love! No, it's possibly a stroke.

Then we see an ambulence rushing to the hospital. Abe tells them to stop! It IS Love! The ambulance stops and pushes Abe's bed out. He rolls down an onramp and says he's in love!

Meanwhile, Bart sees an informercial hosted by Troy McClure. McClure starred in such films as "The Boatjacking of Supership 79," and "Hydro: The Man With the Hydraulic Arms." That's not the point, though. The point is that Roger Meyers Jr is sending official Itchy & Scratchy animation cells to anyone who orders by phone.

After stealing Homer's wallet, Bart uses one of the credit cards to order a cel.

At dinner, Homer is against the idea of Abe and Jacqueline getting together. Why? That will make Homer and Marge stepsiblings. Not just that, their children "will be horrible freaks with pink skin, no overbites, and five fingers on each hand." He imagines his children as these "hideous" things:

And runs off in terror.

Later, Marge calls her mother when Abe walks by and tells Marge to say he loves her. Marge denies this since her mother doesn't like when people come on too strong. So what does Abe do?

Uses the other line, that's what.

The next day, Bart is reading a comic when someone rings the doorbell: "A special delivery for Homer Simpson." Bart answers the door only to get a punch in the face.

"Don't write no more letters to Mr Sinatra!"

The doorbell rings again, and Bart opens it. Again, he gets a punch in the face.

"Stop stealing golf balls from the driving range!"

Bart is hesitant to open the door when the doorbell rings again, so he takes a peek through the mail slot to see...

That's good. He opens the door and gets the box. He then gets punched. Why?

"That's for keeping me waiting!"

Bart is ready to show off his new cel to Lisa. When he shows it it's...

The cel stinks!

Bart imagines Nelson saying, "Ha-ha!"

As it turns out, Nelson is having an out-of-body experience in the Kwik-E-Mart, much to Apu's worry. His business will sour if nothing improves!

That evening, Abe is ready for his date. He even got some special novelty dentures:

But Homer has better advice, which comes out of this song:

Homer:If you wanna make your move, ya gotta play it...Cool.

Now watcha gotta do,If you wanna get a kiss,Is act real smoothAnd make your move like this.

(yawns and stretches out his arms)

Grampa:Ooh, I see.So if I take your advice,And make your patented move,Then my chances for loveWill slightly improve.

(yawns and stretches out his arms, then giggles)

Homer:Now what's that rule?

Grampa:Play it cool.

Unfortunately, Abe gets scared when the doorbell rings.

Abe and Jacqueline go to the Springfield Community Center on their date to dance.

Meanwhile, Bart goes to the Android's Dungeon and asks if his cel is worth anything. Comic Book Guy shows of a cel of Snagglepuss drawn by Hic Heisler, hence it is worth something. Bart's cel was drawn by nobody, hence it's worth nothing. Bart asks if he can get anything in exchange, and the only thing he can get is a phone with a Mary Worth sculpture.

Abe and Jacqueline dance to "Moonlight Serenade," and Jacqueline tenderly says it's her favorite song. The two are about to kiss when Mr Burns butts in. Burns and Jacqueline then start to dance, and Abe is pissed off over this.

After the dance, Burns and Jacqueline leave with a trophy. Smithers is jealous over Burns' new love. Abe is so heartbroken that he sadly walks up a street while saying, "Good night, Mrs Bouvier, wherever you are." The lawyer from earlier tells him to stop imitating Jimmy Durant.

The next day at the plant, Burns is so joyful over his new love. He says Whoop-dee-do to the world. "Whoop-dee-do, sir," says an envious Smithers. Burns continues his whoop-dee-dos to his florist, physical trainer, Bill Clinton, his pet tarantulas, and even has this special announcement:

Most of the employees rush out en masse, except for one man.

It's okay, man. I would be with you, too.

Burns goes to write a letter to Jacqueline, and asks Smithers to help. Smithers gives a beautiful dictation, and Burns asks how Smithers thought of it. Smithers sent that on Burns' birthday, and goes to weep.

That night, Homer and Marge are horrified to see that Jacqueline's new boyfriend is Mr Burns! Burns doesn't remember the family, so he goes to Smithers for the answer. Smithers decides to trick Burns by whispering something in his ear. Burns goes back to the front door and identifies the family as...

Bart decides to use this opportunity to get the money for his bad cel problem. He demands that Burns give him a wad of cash or else have his suit ruined with ketchup and mustard. Burns refused, but Bart gives his word and sprays some mustard onto Burns. Burns gives the money to Bart.

At the nursing home, Abe's friends try to cheer him up,

but one problem...

At home, Bart confesses to Homer about his mistake. Homer is shocked at first, but relents when Bart gives him the money. Bart then decides to keep the Mary Worth phone as a reminder to never try anything stupid again. Seconds later, Bart gets a phone call...

Later, Burns and Jacqueline have an outdoor picnic when Burns says there's a surprise in her champagne glass. Oops. She drank it.

He tries again, and proposes...

Marge doesn't want Jacqueline to marry Burns.

Meanwhile, Abe is still brokenhearted and starts to read things he found on the ground. One being...

The day of the wedding, Barney has to sit on the groom side because no one else wants to be associated with Burns.

The wedding starts. Bart is the ring bearer, and Lisa is the flowergirl (finally).

While Lovejoy talks to the couple, Burns is not interested in the readings. He wants to get to the "Do you take" part. Burns says I do, but when Jacqueline is asked to take Burns to be her lawfully wedded husband...

Here's what was going on:

Abe then asks if she'd rather marry him, which she denies. Actually, she doesn't want to get married at all, much to Abe's delight. He then takes her out onto the bus to the Retirement castle.

Suddenly, a parody of Simon and Garfunkel's "Sound of Silence" plays during the credits. Here are the lyrics:

Hello Grandpa, my old friend,

Your busy day is at an end.

Your exploits have been sad and boring,

They tell a tale that's worth ignoring.

When you're alone, the words of your story

Will echo down the rest-home hall,

'Cause no one at all,

Can stand the sound

Of Grandpa.

Abe then says this:

I first took a fancy to Mrs. Bouvier because her raspy voice reminded me of my old Victrola. Oh, it was afine machine with a vulcanized rubber listening tube which you crammed in your ear. The tube would go in easier with some sort of lubricant like linseed oil or-" Then the "Shh" from the Gracie Films logo interrupts him, and he apologizes.

THE END

My thoughts: A great episode. Like "Principal Charming," it teaches us that romances don't usually have happy endings, though Abe is still happy with Jacqueline's choice.